She told me that this would be their last Sunday with us and that they were withdrawing their membership. Through tears she said that the church was no longer meeting their needs, and that she wanted to be in a church where no one knew her name or demanded anything from her. With that she wiped her tears, hugged us, and bolted for the door.
I would have tried to persuade her and her family to stay; after all, they had been with us for nearly five years. Unfortunately, in her thinking – she was exhausted and had already gone. I had seen this dilemma in others before. She was simply one of hundreds, if not thousands looking for a church where their needs would be comfortably met.
Researchers tell us that there is an alarming cultural shift today that is touching all aspects of our society, including churches. They suggest that while in the process of encouraging self-esteem, an unwitting yet inflated focus on self is having serious side effects everywhere.
This is illustrated in significant increases in disrespect, indifference, attention seeking, entitlement, bullying, and “doing what is best for me”. From outright rudeness to material entitlement, from excessive debt to failed marriages, from celebrity worship to an abundance of ego and vanity, researchers are saying that narcissism (a disproportionate sense of self-worth) is epidemic. At the very core it is an egotistical preoccupation with personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and image.
Now you might wonder how does this affect the church? Today, the church is regarded as a service provider in a competitive market, rather than as a community of transformed people living for God’s glory. Church services must provide a welcoming ambiance, and they must reach every person’s need or expectation. The sermons and programs must not be too personal so as to offend people, yet they should be relevant so as to encourage repeated attendance. Church has been redesigned to suit the needs and notions of its participants. An inflated focus on ‘Me’ is subtly directing its services, programs, counseling and doctrine.
The supporting argument for this is the demand for the church to be relevant to the current time and culture, and to meet the ongoing needs of people. However this simply supports the presumption that the church is an institution providing services, and that people are the consumers. The Bible on the other hand, doesn’t support this.
1 Peter 2:5 says, that ‘you are living stones that God is building into his spiritual temple … you offer up spiritual sacrifices that please God,’ and Ephesians 4:15-16 says, that we are ‘growing in every way more and more like Christ who is the head of … the church … He makes the whole body (church) fit together perfectly.’
In other words, the church in not an institution or a service provider, neither are the people consumers. The church is people who offer or give their lives to serve God. It presumes that people (the church) are being collectively redesigned to serve God, and since Christ is the eternal designer they (the church) should be relevant. The church only ceases being relevant when Christ is excluded from their lives.
Yet people today want a church (and a God) that works for them, one with the most benefits and at little cost. To be honest, they are being given what they want. They are being told that Jesus wants them to be affluent in every way and to just ask God. Tempered messages avoid the concept of ‘picking up one’s cross and following Christ’, and suggest a more convenient approach to God. Inadvertently, the church is telling people that their needs and wants are its highest priority.
It’s no wonder that when the realities of life suddenly hit, people dismiss God or go to another church. Messages that only emphasize what God will do for me, simply embellish our egos, increase our sense of entitlement, and further align the church with a culture that is already self-indulgent. In this way it sets us up for failure.
This is very different from the model Jesus gave the church. Philippians 2:6 says, ‘Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to … he gave up his divine privileges, he took the humble position.’ Jesus further says in Matthew 16:25-26, ‘If you try to hang onto your life, you will loose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose you own soul?’
Our culture persuades us to look out for ‘Number One’, to do what’s best for ‘Me’, to think yourself ‘Special’, to love yourself excessively and to believe that you ‘deserve better’. Indulgences in these values are not at all like Christ, and are less likely to encourage forgiveness, consideration, perseverance, and sacrifice. Furthermore, they are more likely to emphasize that which we ‘do not have and need to get’, and promote the attitude that ‘if God fails us, we’ll simply quit’. Values such as these teach us to evaluate life and the church by what we receive or how it makes us feel.
Churches are not perfect, but neither were they intended to stroke people’s egos, be a service provider or a Community Centre, or a Hospital. Churches are simply people coming together to actively worship God, to encourage each other into a greater trust and responsiveness toward God, and to place other’s needs before their own. Jesus says in Matthew 6:33 to ‘seek the Kingdom of God above all else … and he will give you everything you need.’ If people are dependent upon the institutional church to meet their needs they will eventually be disappointed. Ultimately, it is God who meets our needs.
R. J. Rushdoony has said, ‘Worship is not a matter of taste but of obedience.’ Similarly the Bible tells us to present ourselves as a living sacrifice or to offer ourselves to God. Authentic worship requires something to be given, done or dedicated to God. It might involve an opinion being set aside, a preference vacated, a hand extended, or a benefit of doubt given. Worship does not begin with what one feels or receives, but rather a decision to give to God what He deserves.
This epidemic of self-indulgence is quickly counteracted if Christians simply remember that they ‘are the church’. If Christians are narcissistic, so will be the church. However if Christians have a sober assessment of their ‘selves’, extend forgiveness and practice self-control, then the church will be what everyone ultimately hopes for.
Stephen Best BA
